Spinning balls, spinning yarns, they talk a good story
Of matches they’ve won, how they’ve achieved glory.
Hammering the old folks, yes they delivered the goods.
Nine-nil against geriatric Old Town Hoods.

They watch coaching clips, it takes over their lives.
They practise all day, don’t talk to their wives.
Spend their cash on bats, steal their wives’ money
Buy the trendiest trainers, track suits by Armani.

They’re computer whiz kids, with a web site to match,
Where fixtures, results and plans you can catch.
You can forget youtube, we have a video clip:
With Derek and Robin on a big ego trip.

Watch them playing, they’re a strange looking bunch.
David’s odd T shirts carry stains from his lunch.
John’s obsessed with pies and with peas.
While Derek’s got dodgy shoulders and knees.

Peter whoops with excitement when hitting a winner.
Terry’s missed matches, he’s a workaholic sinner.
Mieszek’s so broke, he can’t afford pumps.
Has a strange jerky style, full of athletic jumps.

Of course, Alan’s the coach with world-beating skill:
“Go on, forehand smash, go in for the kill.”
Oh, and Robin helps out when the team’s desperate and short.
Secretary, Events Planner, he’s a literary sort.

So, now you have it, these guys are obsessed.
In the long term, they do aspire to be the best!
On a fast learning curve, they are keener than most
Before their fragile bodies start to give up the ghost.