Popps B brought in Terry Allington as replacement for Terry Wassall, who was still feeling unwell.

Tom Sunderland played the opening set against Martyn Holiday and produced some good shots, but still lacks the consistency needed to trouble a strong M.J.M team. I am sure he will do much better as he gains more experience.

Joan Bottomley has improved greatly in the short time she has played the game. She has a good temperament and tries really hard. M.J.M cruised to a easy win, but there were still plenty of positives for the Popps team to work on.

A: Colin A.                   X: Peter McMullen
B: Phil B:                        Y: John  Taylor
C: Jo Sweeney            Z: Derek Greenwood

Climbing to the geographical pinnacle of Calderdale League 3 small-ball activity, an edifice with evidence of faith & thinness of oxygen, high on commitment with three teams ranged against the collective might of teenage tantrums, mid-life indecisiveness & zimmered frailty. What an adventure, high on the Old Town sierra! Harnessing our horses (or horsepower), we arrived in our small ’compact’, as opposed to our over–finned Caddi. Ignoring the expected chained gate, we bestrode the boundary wall, tunnelling our way into an enclave, where small white balls were already being lashed from wall to wall. An ice-cold atmosphere scorched our skin, more to do with a slow & gasping heating system than with any hostile intent from Old Town Robins. Twittering among themselves they looked the part in many layers of fleece & quilting as well as balooning them to twice their normal size! If they thought for a moment that this knit one, pearl one approach to armoury would do the trick, they were in for scything & debilitating surprise! Let battle commence!

Game 1:A v X-Colin v Peter [3-11/9-11/7-11]. Easy, cool, in his razor sharp shorts, Peter attacked, engaging his opponent in an urgently aggressive dialogue, direct & quietly sensational, from a bygone, half-remembered era, pushing Colin to nudge his chops into the obliging abyss of the net. Despite some rallies, Peter remained relaxed & steady throughout & was good value for his win.

Game 2:B v Y-Phil v John [5-11/8-11/11-9/11-6/9-11]. A titanic struggle between Phil & John, with elaborate over-hitting from both. After two solid games from John, he began to tire and Phil grabbed the opportunity to build a case. Ultimately, John’s finger nails held on for a narrow victory in the fifth.

Game 3:C v Z-Jo v Derek [11-7/4-11/9-11/11-8/12-10]. Derek took the first game confidently before folding as usual in the 2^nd & 3^rd as fatigue set in. Spending too much time watching Jo’s shots instead of his own, although waking up moderately in the 4^th, Derek let the match finally slip from his grasp in the 5^th. After yet another poor performance, perhaps as well he has only two matches remaining between now and the Christmas break – sorry team!

Game 4:B v X-Phil v Peter [9-11/7-11/4-11]. Remarkably smooth & urgent passage for Peter with Phil unable to hold shots or games together with too little consistency; shame as he is a good shot-maker.

Game 5:A v Z-Colin v Derek [4-11/5-11/ 12-14]. Two comfy games for Derek, successfully out-playing Colin in most departments, although tiredness again in the 3^rd demanded a ‘rescue’ at the end!

Game 6:C v Y-Jo v John [2-11/4-11/2-11]. Jo unable to master John’s wickedly twisting serve, succumbed briskly but with a rueful ‘what might have been’ spreading across her face!

Game 7:B v Z-Phil v Derek [1-11/11-4/11-6/7-11/9-11]. Easy start for Derek, followed by a spectacular collapse, playing his ‘get out of jail’ card in the 4^th & a scrabbling for the line in the fifth. This has got to STOP!  

Game 8: C v X – Jo v Peter [7-11/5-11/11-9/4-11]. Comfortable enough win for Peter in four sets, Jo deservedly winning the 3^rd. Her game is still too inconsistent but has boundless potential given the opportunity.

Game 9: A v Y – Colin v John [8-11/10-12/ 8-11] John struggling with tiredness, slowly but surely overcame Colin in what was an amazingly error-strewn game.

As usual at Old Town, refreshments were served, sadly without Jo’s double-strength fruit cake this time. No chilli dogs in evidence except for the odd chilly pooch spotted on the way. In a ‘dragnet free’ world (sorry Terry W.!), in fairness another planet, no harshly lewd & inappropriate sounds pricked our ears, save for the whistling ghosts of trick and treat and the draughty threat of altitude sickness. No razor-edged suits, sharp enough to draw blood from an encroaching hand, (more likely fleece, quilting & wool next to the skin), promoting an impenetrable facade of masculine dumbness laid on with the subtlety of a sharp-cornered brick. This was no world where women are perceived as lifestyle accessories & men have become life’s unreliable & unnecessary gadgets, oozing scum & other hideous fluids. No, this was West Yorkshire’s amalgam of 70’s Emmerdale & ancient Waltons, trapped in a gentle habit of cottage hospitality & windswept balm.

A goodly, friendly and relaxing workout, the evening assisted in preparing Popps ‘A’ for tougher battles, on less friendly soil, to come!

POPPS:  A Peter McMullen B: Derek Greenwood C: Chie Hick Z:
Old Town Hoods:  X: Paul Penny Y: Dave Warburton (Terry Wassall substitute for absent OTH player)

1/ A v X – Peter v Paul: 11-2/11-2/11-9  HOME In this instance, it was Paul who was robbed, mugged & generally reduced to penury! Peter looked like he’d been polishing his ‘equipment’ all week!

2/ B v Y Derek v Dave: 11-9/11-7/11-7  HOME Dave found his range early, but Derek excelled with his accurate ‘putting’, that is ‘putting’ the ball out of reach. Solid play from Dave but experience, or lack of it, his main enemy.

3/ C v Z – Chie v Terry W.: 11-3/11-5/11-7  HOME Terry, backed into defending his honour against his ‘A’ team mates, having already completed three games against ‘B’ team opponents, played with the occasional brilliance on back & fore hands that he’s capable of. Ultimately, the threat & execution of her rapier-like thrusts took Chie comfortably through.

4/ B v X – Derek v Paul: 11-6/11-5/11-9 HOME Derek’s often volatile & fatigue induced game was kept at bay in this stroll in the park, with Paul finding it tough to read Derek’s game.

5/ A v Z – Peter v Terry W.: 10-12/11-9/11-4/11-5 HOME Eager & aggressive start from Terry W. left Peter having to re-group, but from the 2nd game onwards, he confidently slipped into ‘silver surfer’ mode.

6/ C v Y – Chie v Dave: 11-3/11-8/11-8 HOME Chie, overcoming a now tentative & reticent Dave, playing with a style which needs further coaching & more games. Another a saunter from Chie!

7/B v Z – Derek v Terry W.: 8-11/5-11/11-9/11-8/12-10 HOME Strange game with Terry leaping out of the blocks like it was the 110 metres hurdles, overcoming barriers like a raging bull with more than an eye for the attractive heifer in the next field. Having slipped to 0-2 in games & 2-5 in game three, someone woke Derek up & this bleary-eyed geriatric zimmered his way to 10-10 in the 5th game, at which point Terry suddenly lost the will to live & capitulated to 10-12!

8/C v X – Chie v Paul: 7-11/5-11/11-9/9-11 AWAY Chie suddenly found herself holding the wrong ’pen’, losing her grip as she gave in to a pencil-case winning four sets from a surprised but thrilled Paul.

9/ Peter v Dave: 11-3/11-2/11-1 HOME Peter leapt on to the medal rostrum on the first point in what proved to be a disappointing mis-match of skills; changing ends was the most energetic it got for Peter!

Easy win for POPPS ‘A’ , compounded by the no-show from Celia & with the cool & competent Jo missed, not just for her table-tennis skills but also for her fruit cake! Good win for a team topping the league!

Experienced Sowerby 2 beat Popps ‘B’ 7-2

Teams: Popps’B’ Tom Sunderland, Terry Wassall, Robin Thomas
Sowerby 2: Phillip Parry, John Korner, Andrew Whitely

Sowerby 2 finished bottom of Division 2 last year and are now in Division 3. Sowerby 3 have disappeared. What does this mean? Have they lost some of their better players or maybe some of their less experienced ones? Has there been a bad outbreak of swine flu up in Sowerby village which has taken out some of their players? In fact, Sowerby 2 consists of people we know very well, as they played for Popps ‘A’ in the Summer League and performed with great skill. The team is likely to consist of that famous trio: Phillip Parry, John Korner and Trevor Kershaw, who would normally beat most of our ‘B’ Team, but if Tom gets used to his new bat, if Terry can show a full recovery from his viral attack, who knows what we can do ? Of course, none of these people actually live in Sowerby village; they are in fact wealthy in-comers who just come into the village to take advantage of the excellent table tennis facilities and are in fact paid fat salaries by Lord Sowerby who owns the club. In the event, Andrew Whitely played instead of Trevor, whose wide range of commitments mean that he will not be making all that many appearances for Sowerby 2.

Set 1 saw Tom against Andrew. Tom had forgotten to bring a belt and there was a worry that his tracksuit bottoms might disappear like a Whitehall farce, but they managed to keep up, which is more than his game, as it happened. Tom started well, but allowed Andrew to draw level at 6-6. There were some good rallies, but Tom was missing winners he normally would have scooped up and Andrew pipped him at 11-9 after a close battle. G2 saw plenty of fluky shots and misses, plus some useful rallies and defences against smashes. At 11-11, it could have gone Tom’s way, but Andrew kept it together to win 12-11. In G3, Andrew started well, but allowed Tom to level at 5-5. Both played better TT, but Andrew once again just about held it together to win 11-9 and the set.

Terry, the Lazarus of TT then came to the table V John Korner, the firebrand against Mr Steady, and so it worked out. Terry tried to match John’s steady style but could not resist a mad slash from time to time. Some worked, some went anywhere but the table. John moved ahead bit by bit, to move to 11-5, and did even better in G2. Terry produced some scintillating shots which would have graced a coaching DVD, but there weren’t enough of them John built up a solid lead at 8-3 and eventually won 11-4. In G3, Terry tried to tempt John by tossing the ball up and it worked to a small extent, but then Terry missed a couple of back hand flicks and John wound it up at 11-6.

Robin’s set against Phillip was fast and furious, but Phillip’s smashes were much more effective. Both won some spectacular smashes, but the result was never in doubt, as Phillip cruised to 12-10, 11-6 and 11-7.

With 3 points down, some element of fight back was required and Terry showed that a win might be possible against Andrew. Both were tentative at first, Andrew benefited from a fluke and Terry tried to control his aggression with some good rallies and gradually moved ahead with a couple of useful smashes as Andrew executed an ineffective serve. 11-8 to Terry. Andrew fought back in G2 as Terry missed some backhands and a smash to allow Andrew to get level again at 11-9. They remained level in G3, but Terry was edging ahead with a couple of trademark back flips (He is hoping to get in the UK gymnastic team for London 2012), and he won at 11-9.Both traded blows in G4, but again Terry’s lightning back hand was starting to cause damage. He got ahead and stayed ahead to win 11-9.

Set 5 saw Tom back at the table against furious Phillip, Tom trying to keep it steady with Phillip hitting anything that moved. The problem was that many of Phillip’s smashes were hitting the target and he won G1 11-6. There were some dramatic encounters in G2, with both getting in some good attacks and excellent returns, but again Phillip was achieving more hits. 11-5. Tom tried hard in G3, winning an excellent rally. Both over hit shots, both achieved effective smashes, but Phillip was achieving a better percentage and won 11-7.

Robin managed a handful of wild shots against John, but could not compete against this steady and experienced player, who won in three: 11-5, 11-7 & 11-4 as Robin started to lose interest. Terry V Phillip promised to be a crowd pleaser with both players ambitious, aggressive, and even fool-hardy. But Phillip’s superiority shone from the first shot and he flew to 8-1, winning many smashes, while Terry missed as many, going down 2-11. G2 was a bit more respectable, but Phillip’s flamboyant attacks were hurting. Terry seemed to be tiring or showing the effects of his viral infection and Phillip took the game at 11-5. Terry roused himself a bit in G3 and managed to get his backhand working. At 6-5 to Terry, a recovery seemed possible, but Phillip restored his authority to take it at 11-7.

Set 8 saw a bit of a surprise as Robin won a 5 game set against Andrew, who won the first 2 11-8 & 8-11. This would normally signal a defeat but Robin sensed a breakthrough in G3 which he won with a mixture of wild shots and luck, at 11-4. G4 was a critical game, which Robin edged at 13-11 and was more comfortable winning G5 at 11-6. Of course, by that time Sowerby had won the match, but all sets won are a bonus, especially when it comes to avoiding the dreaded wooden spoon in the annual publication of averages. Your correspondent had that unenviable position in 208/2009 and people used to stare at him in the streets of Halifax. People used to whisper and point fingers on the busses “It’s that crap TT player” It’s not fun, I’ll tell you.

In the final set, Tom played John and Tom did not seem to be at his best after a frustrating day. John strolled to an early lead at 7-2. Tom missed some serves and returns. He managed a couple of attacks, but John won at 11-8. Tom missed the ball by about a mile in G2 and will be pointed in the direction of Specs Savers (if he can find it). There were some good rallies, but more mistakes from Tom as he slumped to 11-6. Tom completely faded away in G2 as John achieved some great hits, giving him a whitewash at 11-0.

Overall, I suppose, Popps roughly played to expectations against a generally experienced Sowerby team. Phillip & John played successfully for our recent summer league ‘A’ team. So we knew their quality. Tom seemed below par and Terry showed some flashes of brilliance. He also managed to get some much-needed practice in by helping out the ‘A’ team’s opponents, so the extra practice may get him back to his previous level.

I heard last night that some road works are likely to isolate Sowerby village for some time. This is very worrying news, because with the isolation comes food shortages and sometimes, cannibalism. Please help by sending food parcels up to this wild village. Sowerby 2 will need to take care next time they play at the club,

Or they might end up in the cooking pot or as the centrepiece of a bonfire night barbecue.

The Popps A team has been strengthened with the signing of Chie Hick. With her all action pen-holder grip, she secured all 3 sets. John Taylor is an example to us all, despite his health problems he has come back as good as ever. He played so well on the night. Terry Allington was his usual steady self to win another three. Result Popps A 9 Old Town Hounds 0.

Popps Destroyed by Experienced Veterans. Popps: Nil, Ramsbridge 9

Popps Team: Tom Sunderland, Joan Bottomley, Robin Thomas
Ramsbridge: John Schofield, Donald Stott, Steve Hanson

Ramsbridge United is a new name on the list, but their players have been around for years, indeed Donald was around when the game was invented. We knew they were not to be underestimated when we saw that they had invested in special black TT shirts, complete with name and logo, actually a ram’s head, not dissimilar to the Black Sheep Real Ale logo. But they did not play like elderly boozers and they approached their task with patient diligence. Popps could neither match them in the sartorial stakes nor on the table, although to be fair, Joan was immaculate in her Stella McCartney cropped-leg tracksuit, her Jimmy Choo pumps and a range of Tiffany accessories.

In Set 1, Joan took on John Schofield, although the game took a few minutes to get underway as people tried to get use to the new scoring system. Joan wrote some new software for its operating system, Tom gave it a kick and Donald replaced some valves and it more or less worked for the remainder of the match. Joan played well, considering that she has only just returned from a long trip to SA, and kept close to John throughout G1. He went into an early lead as she got used to his serve, but she was sustaining some useful rallies and wining points with her forehand. It reached 11-11, but John edged ahead to win 15-13. In G2, both tried to keep it steady, but both made errors. Joan concentrated hard, but could not stop John moving to 11-9. John’s game kept safe in G3 and there were some useful rallies, but he was more consistent and moved smoothly ahead top win again.

The next set saw Tom against Donald. Tom started by winning G1, with some good forehand hits. Both missed the table from time to time, but Tom executed a useful smash to win 11-6. But things fell part after that. In G2, Don won 11-6, as Tom missed the table by over hitting. In G3, Donald cruised into a big lead at 8-1. Tom had a brief fight back, but left it too late to lose 11-4. Donald continued to play well for a man of his years, showing god (or should that be ‘good’) reflexes in returning some useful Tom smashes, to win 11-8 and the set.

Steve beat Robin 11-6, 11-6 and 11-3, with his good serve and steadier play all round. Robin won a couple of random shots, but gradually lost interest in prolonging the encounter.

John then played Tom and it was close at 5-5. But Tom was inconsistent and missed some returns, allowing John to win 11-5. Tom remained shaky in G2 and it may be that he was getting used to his expensive new bat (£50 deposit and £5 a month for 5 years) Tom led at 7-4, but John pulled it back to 9-9. Both fought well, but a fluke helped John to sneak it at 14-12. John has the habit of giving a loud stamp every now and then, which wakes up the crowd and local babies trying to sleep. Tom tried to stay in the game by playing safe, but it was not working and he went down 11-3 to lose the set.

Then Joan returned to the table with Steve, who won 12-10, 11-2 and 11-6. Joan continues to improve and fought well in G1 with some long rallies, but Steve’s steadier play took him ahead.

Next on was Robin against Don, who ignored a range of ageist jibes to give a tt lesson in winning 11-9, 14-12 and 11-5. Robin hit the occasional good smash, almost in desperation but Donald’s steadiness and experience prevailed.

In Set 7, Tom played Steve, who went into an early lead as Tom struggled to get his game together. Steve won 11-3. Tom sustained some good rallies, but tended to lose the last point and could not stop Steve cruising to 11-2. (I know I use the word ‘cruising’ from time to time, but I do not mean that kind of cruising). Things were more even in the next game as Tom found some good back hand flicks at 9-9, it could have gone either way, but Steve settled down to take it to 11-9.

Robin couldn’t deal with John’s spin serve and useful smashes to go down 11-2, 11-8 and 11-6 in Set 8. It was left to Joan, in Set 9, to attempt to restore some pride. What strategies could she adopt? Could she don her Army & Navy stores Bikini to distract him or could she flash her sparkling teeth at him? Could she soft talk him in a Marilyn Monroe voice? Well, no. Donald eased into an early lead. Joan won a couple of forehands, but could not stop Donald winning at 11-6. Joan kept her concentration up in G2 and had some good rallies, but like Tom, was tending to lose the final point. She achieved some forehand winners, but also netted some returns and lost 11-3. In G3, Joan actually moved into an early lead but Donald overhauled her. Both missed shots, but Donald was comfortably ahead and won 11-4. He clearly enjoyed the encounter and murmured: ‘Thank you Joan, you’ve made a happy man very old’ (To quote Ronnie Scott*)

So, after a tight match last week in Old Town, Pops ‘B’ slumped to, perhaps a familiar position of being at the receiving end of a hammering. Joan is improving all the time and Tom will settle down when he gets used to his new bat. Perhaps if we can Terry fit and up to speed, he can bring his occasional flashes of brilliance into the equation and give us a better chance.

*Ronnie Scott: famous jazz sax player and club owner, known for his witty introductions. When the crowd was not very appreciative, he would say, what are you drinking? Concrete?

A: Alwyn Kershaw X: Terry Allington
B: Harry Witherspoon Y: Chie Hick
C: Roy Oldroyd Z: Derek Greenwood

1: A v X – Alwyn/Terry 1-11/2-11/3-11 Good 1st game for Terry, imposing his metronome, with Alwyn struggling for shots & for crumbs under the table. 2nd & 3rd games were a walk in the park for Terry, with Alwyn unable to put a score together despite some good backhand slices.

2: B v Y – Harry/Chie 5-11/8-11/4-11 Good forceful early shots from Chie throughout & gave little away. She has a ‘vampire-like’ quality in the way she takes some shots! An easy three-set win. 3:

C v Z – Roy/Derek 4-11/10-12/9-11 Good strong start from Derek, finding edges & corners & generally foxing Roy with variety. 2nd & 3rd games tougher, but skill, patience & tenacity saw Derek through, despite encroaching fatigue.

4: B v X – Harry/Terry 8-11/4-11/7-11 Very impressive win for Terry, steady & consistent in 1st, majestic & totally fault-free in 2nd & a cruise with confidence to the finish against a good player.

5: A v Z – Alwyn/Derek 11-4/11-9/9-11/11-6 Poor 1st game for Derek, now very tired, followed by a close 2nd game. A win for Derek, a little fortunate in 3rd but faded in 4th.

6: C v Y – Roy/Chie 5-11/2-11/7-11 Chie barely blinked in 1st & 2nd games, taking early balls like she might miss the last bus home! In 3rd, a modest resistance from Roy barely troubled a relaxed Chie.

7: B v Z – Harry/Derek 11-2/15-13/11-9 Awful 1st game from Derek – simply somewhere else & playing well below even ‘B’ team standard. Great effort in 2nd not enough & Harry moved confidently through in 3rd.

8: C v X – Roy/Terry 4-11/5-11/3-11 Routine & deadly, Terry despatched Roy in startlingly easy fashion in a brisk fault-free performance.

9: A v Y – Alwyn/Chie 11-6/5-11/11-8/11-9 Alwyn’s spin suddenly appeared fully formed & reliable & brought out a strange caution in Chie’s game which seemed to take away her focus & led to her surprise defeat.

RESULT: WIN for POPPS ‘A’ 6-3

POPPS ‘B’ SNATCH DEFEAT FROM THE JAWS OF VICTORY: HOUNDS WIN 5-4 IN NAIL-BITING WIN

Once again a trip to the quaint world of Old Town, which feels like a million miles from the urban sophistication of Halifax, with its proud new Poundland representing the cream of shopping chic, featuring designs by Stella McCartney, fake Rolex watches and monster packs of skips. Old Town, in contrast operates a subsistence based barter system, whereby a farmer will exchange half a heifer for some help in setting up an interactive website. Harvest foods are now on sale in almost all the houses and clog dancers are assembling in the village square, high on cheap cider, waiting to enact some violent pagan autumn rituals. They check their ipads, look at facebook, do a few tweets, make some real time changes to their shares portfolios, then launch into the alarming story of the ancient monster and maiden of Old Town, complete with blood-curdling shrieks and alarming finger-in-ear folk songs.

So once again, we pile into Tom’s Chelsea Tractor to navigate our way to this hidden kingdom in the hills. An anguished voice on the satnav warns of ghosts and ghouls at large and fake road up signs operated by bearded brigands, but we persevere and arrive at the chapel, the team frightened, apprehensive, but ready to play.

As for Old Town Hounds, they finished above us last year and most of their players finished above our ‘B’ people in the individual ratings. So, we knew we would be up against it. Our team: Tom Sunderland, Robin Thomas and Derek Greenwood, again deputising for Terry Wassall who is still struggling with a viral infection caught from his laptop.

Hounds consisted of Sue Allen, Don Coneron & Rose Tipton a vastly experienced trio of veterans driven by a fierce loyalty to Old Town and by the knowledge that if they lost, they would be ostracised for many years. People have long memories in Old Town and previous losers have had to sit in the stocks or leave the village to avoid years of opprobrium.

Anyway, to this match. Given that the same people will be probably be playing, would there be a case for using a previous report? You know, basically cutting and pasting the thing, making minor changes. The chances are that the outcome will be the same. On reflection, we need to preserve credibility with all our readers, (all 6 of them) so I promise that this forthcoming report will be an account of the current match.

In Set 1, Tom took on Sue, in a room so cold that icicles where hanging from the bats and balls. Tom started well, with Sue missing the table from time to time. At one point, the ball landed in a box of balls strategically placed in the corner of the room and eventually one was picked out which might have been the one that started the game. Even after she had removed her ‘The Future is Orange’ track suit top, she still couldn’t get it together and Tom went 11-8. But she started well in G2, occasionally stamping her foot like a flamenco dancer when she served and he levelled the set at 11-8. Tom won G3 after a prolonged tussle. Both were smashing more effectively, but Tom more so. In G4, Sue benefited from a useful fluke. Tom started to lose control and Sue started to improve her forehand smash. She cruised to 11-5, leaving the stage set for a gripping decider, or so we thought. A big stamp by Sue gave Tom a fright and he netted a back hand. At 7-3, it was looking bad for Tom. She eased ahead, had a few stamps for good measure and Tom slumped to 11-4, a set he should have won.

Set 2 saw Robin against Don. Don played a more steady game throughout. Robin won some points with the occasional fast, low serve but Don proved too consistent and won the set 13-11, 11-6 and 11-8.

Rose Tipton continues to be a beacon of femininity in the gnarled world of geriatric tt players, with her expensive designer track suit and top flight trainers from Primark, though I’m not sure the fishnet stockings worked all that well. Why should we complain? Popps teams do not exactly win sports fashion competitions with their motley array of faded cricket sweaters, black school pumps, charity shop vests and age concern sponsored jockstraps. It would help if they washed their kit occasionally, but one has worries about the kind of toxic discharge which might be unleashed into the sewage system. You’ve seen what happened in Hungary & we do not want that in West Yorks. She faced Derek in Set 3, still wearing half a pair of blue knickers fetchingly adorning his upper thigh.

Rose went into an early lead as Derek messed up serve. He started to tempt her by tossing the ball high and this strategy worked as he levelled at 5-5, and he settled down to win the first game 11-6. Rose has an interesting game in that she is left-handed and plays every shot back hand. It worked fine in G2 as Derek messed up a serve and as Rose benefited from a fluke and executed a good smash. Rose levelled at 11-7. In G3, Rose started well as Derek, a well-known international coach, made some wild shots. However the high ball approach started to work although Rose won some of the shots offered. At 10-10, it could have gone either way, but Derek prevailed at 12-10. So we were in for another long set. In G4, Rose moved ahead with some good attacks and as a result of a couple of Derek misses and she stayed ahead to win 11-8. In the final game, Derek fought hard at first, but tiredness seemed to kick in. At one time he was offered water by Rose, and your correspondent observed that oxygen, blood, plasma and Bob Martins might have helped. Rose was moving round the table with more bounce than Derek and he missed a few returns because he just couldn’t get to them. We are going to experiment with him playing on roller blades. He lost 11-5 and the set, which on form he should have won. At this point, Hounds were leading 3-0 and possibly heading for a whitewash. Could Tom retrieve the situation?

Well, he started to do so against Don. In G1, things were even at first, but Tom was playing some long rallies with determination and managed some useful smashes. At 10-10 it was finely poised, but Don lost some concentration and a wild shot took Tom to 12-10. Don then gave away a couple of points via serving errors, got back a point with a fluke, but started to miss the table and went down 11-5. The pattern continued in G3 as Don visibly tired. Tom started to win some backhands, Don missed some returns, and Tom won at 11-7 to start to get Popps back into the match.

Derek continued the recovery in Set 5 against Sue. Derek kicked off with some successful forehands and was not put off by a big stamp from Sue. Derek surged to 5-0, Sue had a good smash, Derek used spin to good effect and despite a poor serve and a missed smash, stayed ahead to win 11-7. Sue continued to hit some wild shots in G2 as Derek moved to 4-1, but Sue fought back to 4-4. Derek had 2 good shots, plus a missed serve, but his overall consistency gradually took him to 11-8. Sue tried valiantly to assert herself in G3, but she was starting to admonish her self in a voice which would have woken babies in Hebden Bridge and certainly would have upset the local sheep. At the end, Derek won 11-4 and Sue announced to the world that she had been ‘roundly and soundly smashed’. But there again she was playing against a legendary international coach and author.

Robin then caused the surprise of the evening, not to mention hoots of hysterical laughter as he executed a string of strange serves and shots which bounced awkwardly off the table to mystify Rose. She even managed to find his spin serve tricky (which must be a first) and despite winning G3, she could not make progress and Robin won 11-7,11-8, 8-11 and 11-4. In the final game, Robin established a good lead and tenaciously hung on, a pattern he was not ably to replicate later against the deep-lunged Sue.

Don then played Derek, before rushing off to play tennis and for a man of his years, setting an excellent example of fitness. Derek built up a good lead in G1, serving and smashing well. He missed a couple of serves to let Don in at 9-3, but kept it together to win 11-4. Derek again showed domination in G2, using a variety of shots and setting Don up for some failed hits. (At this point, Sue appeared to have vanished into the night air. Was she meeting a secret lover or was the answer more mundane? After about 10 minutes she returned in a puff of smoke and we were none the wiser. But that’s what goes on in the strange world of Old Town) Don in the meantime had made a small recovery, but messed up a serve to allow Derek to win at 11-6. This was beginning to look like a piece of cake for Derek, but Don played tenaciously in G3, chasing every shot, placing balls well and hitting some fine winners. 11-6 to Don. He continued the recovery in G4, with some long rallies and successful smashes. 11-7 to Don and all square. Would Derek hold his frail body together for one final push to take Popps ahead?

Yes, he did, to paraphrase Barak Obama as Don started to lose it a bit. Derek missed a serve as Don started to catch up. At 8-8, both played very tentatively, but Derek held it together better to win 11-8 and the set.

Tom was under pressure against Rose, knowing that a win was essential. Rose didn’t help by removing her track suit top at a critical point, revealing an inch or two of her smooth alabaster back in the process which clearly affected Tom’s concentration. She moved into an immediate lead at 5-1. She missed a hit and called herself a silly Billy but swiftly recovered her composure as Tom lost his, to slump to 11-4. In G2, Tom was still not dealing with Rose’s game as she established a lead, using her greater mobility round the table to place shots out of Tom’s reach. He recovered to get to 7-9, but Rose pulled out a good smash to win 11-9. Tom could do nothing in G3 to get back on track as she reeled off winners to clinch it at 11-7. This is a match which Tom, on form, should have won. But that’s the excitement of league 3 table tennis. You can’t predict how particular players will deal with other players on the night.

So it was left to Robin to attempt to clinch the match as we were now 4-4. Robin did not expect to do well, but actually managed to win 2 games to set up a final game. However, even after establishing a biggish lead in G5, he allowed Sue to recover and eventually win. Score: Sue wins 11-9, 12-10, 4-11, 8-11 and 11-9.

We were well looked after by the Hounds, with a cup of coffee and biscuits and sportsmanlike appreciation for good shots. This was a match which Popps should have won, especially having Derek on board, so maybe there will have been some lessons learned. We then descended from the fairy tale kingdom of Old Town, along winding lanes, then back to the urban grime of Halifax. Had the whole thing been a dream?

Massacre at Club Lane

This fixture is always a slightly artificial affair, where the result is likely to be a foregone conclusion. However, it does present a chance for most of the team members to get together and on this occasion, to meet new members. So we had Chie Hick making her first appearance with this group, bringing a breath of fresh air and youthful charm to this largely geriatric group. It also had Terry Wassall returning after being pole axed by a strange virus. It also meant we had bigger audiences than the Delhi Commonwealth Games. In addition, we were able to use 2 tables, which meant we whipped through the fixture quite quickly, something of a relief to the ‘B’ team.

Set 1 saw Chie against Robin, who struggled to cope with her cunning spin serve and he sank to 11-0 in G1. Some pride was restored, possibly as Chie relaxed and the next games ended 11-6 & 11-3. She has a useful all round game, with a flashing back hand to punish stray balls. Peter then took on Tom and won 11-5, 11-4 & 11-4. Tom created some useful rallies and executed a couple of effective returns, but again, Peter’s game was superior in all departments, enabling him to cruise to a win.

Terry Wassall showed the only piece of resistance (almost the piece de resistance) against John Taylor, by winning G1 13-11, but sanity returned as John reeled off 11-5, 11-7 and 11-9, Terry showing plenty of fortitude as he strove to shake off the torpor of a fortnight’s viral ravage. At the same time, Peter was giving Robin a table tennis lesson on the adjoining table, winning 11-3, 15-13 and 12-10. Peter showed his class in G1 and then relaxed a little to make it more interesting for the crowd by allowing Robin to stay in the game for a while.

In Set 5, Chie & Terry met. Chie won the first 2 games 11-5 & 11-6 while your correspondent was playing on the adjacent table. He was then able to observe G3. Terry jumped into an early lead with a couple of trademark smashes, followed by a fluke shot. He then nearly landed in the crowd as he attempted to retrieve a wide shot by Chie. She then worked her way back into the game as Terry’s lack of match fitness started to kick in. At 8-5 Terry missed a smash, Chie produced an effective back hand and won 11-7 and the set.

Terry then stayed on the table to meet the ever-competent Peter, whose steadiness took him into an early lead. Terry was starting to suffer and hit some wild shots, whilst winning some points on his forehand. But Peter was steadily moving ahead and utilised a useful forehand smash to win G1 at 11-7. Terry looked hot and tired as he struggled to contain Peter in G2 and was not helped by an outrageous fluke serve from Peter who seemed to bang his bad leg at one point, but hobbled on. In fact with Terry now a ghastly shade of puce and Peter’s leg wobbling, it was like Holby City out there and we were expecting the paramedics along at any time. Peter held his nerve and finished 11-3, Terry was beginning to give up the will to live in G3 and crashed out 11-0, trying to hit anything that moved. The team secretary then phoned Dignitas.

The exhibition match continued with John against Tom, who started well with a small lead. But he was not coping with John’s wily serve and John was able to move ahead easily to win 11-3. The pattern continued in G3, as Tom started to miss hit his returns. John won 11-3. Tom played better in G3 with some longer rallies, but John always seemed to have the conclusive final shot. Every time John served he was able to extend his lead, but Tom was winning some effective smashes. However, John won 11-8 to take the set.

In the penultimate set, Tom took on Chie and Tom was able to give her a decent game by establishing an early lead as 7-5. It stayed neck and neck at 6-6 & 7-7, but Tom over hit a shot and went for a wild attack to allow Chie to ease ahead to win 11-7. A similar pattern emerged in G2 which Chie won 11-8. G3 was much more combative with Tom gaining an early lead at 3-0. Chie messed up a serve and Tom won some attacks to take him to 5-3. Chie levelled at 5-5 and Tom edged ahead at 8-6. Tom missed the end of the table, Chie did the same and they were level at 9-9 and at 10-10. But at that point, it only takes two steady points which Chie secured, to win 12-10.

In the final set, John beat Robin 11-2, 11-5 and 11-7. The story of the game is that Robin did not deal with John’s spin serves but occasionally won a point by hitting a low, fast serve to try to get John out of position.

So, overall, it was good to see most of the group, with Derek very kindly helping out with scoring. Terry Allington was having a night off and was rumoured to be roaming the pubs in Wibsey gradually becoming ratted, while Joan is half way through her safari in SA, providing an interesting sight for hordes of lions and elephants. Andy Hinton has decided not to take part for the present, in view of work commitments.

Clearly, the ‘B’ team did not supply much of a challenge to the ‘A’ team, who have started the year well. However, it is too early to assess their potential. They will need to see how they perform against the more fancied teams on Div 3. Chie will be a great asset, so we must have reasonable hope of a top table position. As for the ‘B’ team, like Liverpool, we probably need at least one additional player and Tom will be scouring round the Old Folks Homes, Geriatric Day Centres and Remand Homes, looking for a suitable applicant.

The ‘B’ Team kicked off their season by a journey into the wilds of Old Town, always an unsettling experience despite some familiarity gained via previous visits. There is always the niggling fear that we could arrive one night to find our opponents suffering from Blue Tongue disease, passed on from the wild pigs which roam untrammelled across the purple-tinged moors. And of course, driving home can be a worrying prospect, passing beggars selling the Big Issue and becoming bucolic and aggressive if we townies do not buy. As for Old Town Hoods, they did not appear in the league last year, but ended bottom of then league 2008/9. Have they spent the last 2 years recovering from Bovine TB? Would find out tonight.

With Terry Wassall still recovering from a genuine virus, we have Derek Greenwood from the ‘A’ Team playing for us, along with new ‘B’ Team coordinator, Tom Sunderland, plus Robin Thomas, still having major doubts as to whether he should be playing at this level anyway. Tom very kindly provided the transport in what looks like a motorised buggy, claiming to know all the winding roads from his days as a postman, a sort of forerunner to Postman Pat, except Tom handled the delivery with a donkey cart. However, he soon managed to find a road closed sign and we were given a scenic tour of Calderdale as he strove to find his bearings. In the event, we reached Old Town on time.

Old Town Hoods had the following players in their team: Jo Sweeney, lending a helping hand from Old Town Robins, James Rickard, a promising young player already it appears, being sponsored by Fly53, and David Warburton, a veteran of previous Hoods sides.

Tom kicked off steadily against James and moved into an early lead as James tried to deal with Tom’s serve. James made some unforced errors, fell behind, and made a brief recovery. Then went down 11-7. Ion G2, James made some effective forehand smashes, but others failed and went off the table. Tom built up a lead at 6-2, and then missed a serve. James fought back to a point, but could not prevent Tom moving to 11-8. A similar pattern emerged in G3, which Tom took at 11-5.

Set 2 saw Robin against Jo. She won G1 11-7 as Robin tried to work out her service which probably needs some attention from the TT police. However, Robin then tried to avoid her effective forehand and used a fast serve to her back hand to win some points. He won the next 3 games 11-6, 11-8 and 11-5 to surprise himself and probably half the village watching on CCTV, there being not much else to do in Old Town, except the odd lynching, cock fighting and bear baiting events.

Derek then appeared, resplendent in a sexy blue garter from Poundland adorning his dodgy knee, to play David. The players tested each out at first, but Derek was winning more smashes and using more variety of shots, to win 11-6. In G2, Derek started to toss it up to tempt David to smash and miss, which he did. However, David settled down to catch up at 8-8. Derek started to lose a bit of mobility, possibly poor circulation caused by his over tight garter. At 10-10, it could have gone either way, but Derek held it together to go 12-10. Derek was more dominant in G3 with some dramatic smashes and a clever mix of strategies and sailed to 11-4 to win the set.

In set 4, Tom met Jo and Tom demonstrated some useful serves and returns to establish an early lead at 6-4. He continued with his consistency to surge to 11-5. Jo showed her useful forehand smash in G2 and moved ahead with series of such shots to move level with 11-7. However, she could not sustain it in G3, as she executed a couple of disastrous serves. Tom in the meantime was providing slicker returns and won 11-7. He moved ahead in G4 to 6-3. Both players made mistakes, Tom missed a sitter at 9-6, followed by a good smash by Jo, but Tom held it together to win 11-8.

James then reappeared, to take on Derek. James is a rapidly improving player with some excellent shots and only needs better consistency to win at this level. However, Derek has been around the table for a few years and is now a professional coach and steamrollered James to 11-2 by gaining more winners and via fewer errors. But in G2, Derek started to go for more risky shots and allowed James back into the game. Derek tossed it up and James put some away. At 10-10, it seemed that James could prevail, but Derek pulled out a timely smash to win 12-10. James attacked somewhat wildly in G3 and allowed Derek to move to 7-4. James replied with a serve which exploited Derek’s slightly limited mobility, i.e. he couldn’t reach it, but Derek played some effective attacking shots to wrap up the set at 11-5.

In set 6, David met Robin and the first game went to an extraordinary 20-18 as each player tried to hang in the game, David demonstrating some excellent returns and Robin winning a few smashes. However, it could not last and David reeled of the next 3 games 11-8, 11-9 and 11-9 as Robin lost concentration and tried some suicidal shots to break David’s momentum. They did not succeed.

Set 7 saw Derek and Jo together, re-enacting a version of Beauty and the Beast. Derek seemed to have other things on his mind and was perhaps tiring after a day spent coaching the cream of Calderdale’s youth. Jo won G1 at 11-8 and we all expected Derek to fight back in G2. However, Jo went into an early lead at 6-4 and her forehand smash continued to work well to take her to 12-10. Derek seemed physically delicate in G3 and missed some key shots. Jo also began to get careless, but produced a few more trademark smashes to win 11-9.
By this time, Popps had won the match, but pride remained. Tom had to hold his game together to beat the steady, consistent David. A fluke shot helped him win G1 at 11-9. Tom produced some lightning, reflex returns against good attacking shots by David, to win G2 11-8 and he continued the pattern in G3, to win 11-5.

The final set saw Robin against James, with Robin winning 11-8, 11-3 and 11-8.However, with James on a rapid learning curve (and Robin on a slow decline), who knows the likely result when the teams meet again.

As usual, we were well looked after by our Hooded hosts, with tea, coffee and crumbly fruit cake (taken half way through a set—this isn’t the Olympics).

So Popps ‘B’ won 7-2, a good start to the season. However, we will not get carried away and will meet our own legendary ‘A’ Team next week with the strong possibility of being brought down to earth with a bump. However, Tom is showing signs of developing his counter-attacking shots and it might be that Terry Wassall will be able to rescue some form after being stricken down by a virus. Watch this space.