POPPS A: A: Terry Allington B: John Korner C: Derek Greenwood
Central 2: X: Dave Blackburn Y: Brian Chapman Z: Steve Caulfield

Good to be back – or was it? Good break – what break? More of the same – or is it less? A scratch team turned out in their mythical Popps ‘A’ shirts, Terry A. drowning in a morass of misplaced ‘phone numbers, John bemused as usual with his seasonal descent to the relative lowlands of Ovenden (summer is rarely seen in Sowerby) and Derek, arriving late and unannounced with the expectation of a quiet night sitting on an uncomfortable chair, scoring, supporting and little else. Best laid plans (or not!), this was the team!

Our opponents, organic Suma reconstituted into Central 2, with two shouters and a chatterer to brighten our evening!

A sound start by Terry, with Dave working his top-spin magic to good, if not devastating effect. Having got a grip in each game, Terry held onto whatever it was to the finish. Comfortable 1^st game for John, with Brian losing sight of the table-end but then following up with a more focused 2^nd game thanks to a series of superb, scything forehands which took him into a winning position and success in the 3^rd game. As John faded at the start of the fourth, Brian harvested a trailer-full of shots but then, surprisingly, let the game slip at the end, pushing the set into a final game with all square. An excellent 5^th game for both saw Brian stagger first over the line. A good three game set from Steve, barely troubled by Derek’s extravagant, occasional winners, too occasional and inconsistent to leave even a smudge on Steve’s game. A solid performance from John, but just falling long too many times, with Dave showing good consistency and a centimetre or so more accuracy on every third shot. Next, good, close exciting table-tennis, with Steve giving almost as good as he got, working Terry from side to side throughout the first two games, culminating in an easier 3^rd game for Terry as Steve ran out of steam. A poor show by Derek against Brian as his knees almost gave up the ghost completely. The first two games passed him by, although there was a glimmer of light throughout the 3^rd. Strong start by Steve, pounding John into early submission with hard-hit, early balls. A high-speed and destructive first two games brought John to his knees, unable to deal with a relentless Steve, who was taking shots leaning half-way across the table as he strolled to a 3-0 win. A good first, fighting game from Derek against Dave, but the set then slipped away over the next three games as Derek failed to get to even half of Dave’s wide plants. Dave not at his best but still made it unhindered to the rostrum. Sparkling first game from Brian, with Terry cautiously finding his composure. Confidently and carefully, Terry proceeded impressively through the next three games as Brian struggled for accuracy.

A v X: 11-6/11-6/11-7.
B v Y: 11-5/8-11/9-11/12-10/9-11.
C v Z: 5-11/2-11/6-11.
B v X: 7-11/5-11/7-11.
A v Z: 11-8/11-8/11-5.
C v Y: 7-11/7-11/11-13.
B v Z: 6-11/7-11/4-11.
C v X: 13-11/5-11/7-11/3-11.
A v Y: 8-11/11-9/11-4/11-8.

Some good games, interesting moments, but a lot of disappointment and inconsistency from Popps ‘A’, falling unconvincingly at the first hurdle with a final score of 3-6. Well done Terry, as always and thanks Centre 2 for good company and impressive table-tennis.

POPPS ‘A’ (home) A: Terry Allington B: Peter McMullen C: Derek Greenwood     
Tradesmen 2 (away) X: Sam Drake Y: Mathew Knapton Z: Alex ? 

Apocalyptic is a BIG word – eleven letters, with probably as many meanings and as many people with suggestions for its appropriate use. To Popps ‘A’, this final match of the season seemed to sit appropriately under this heading, in a small yet significant way. 

By the nature of the make-up of their team, Tradesmen 2 will always present a meaningful and sharp-eyed challenge to any team in League 3. In our first encounter with them this season, in November, we, amazingly, saw them off with an extraordinarily controlled performance, leaving them stamping, shouting and gesticulating in despair, as they failed to dip under our radar. It was, in fact, one of our most committed victories of the season, framed with a modest, yet tasty, cocktail of unexpected shots and strategies. This time, however, we knew that we were there to be hunted down, hounded out into the open and picked over with a fine toothcomb.

With Chie still away on family duty in Japan, the team was already weakened, with Peter needing to renovate his body rather than his house and Derek his usual lamed and inconsistent self. We watched the eager, agitated and ‘keen to get on with it’ demeanour of Tradesmen 2 as they prepared to get down to work. Conscientious they certainly were, not the sort of Tradesmen who don’t turn up on the day, arriving later with a litany of unbelievable excuses – take note, Peter, this WAS commitment!

In comparison, we ALL looked a bit weary, felt a bit weary and, ultimately played a bit weary!

A nervy start from Terry against Sam, saw him complete two games successfully, if lengthily. However, with past long nights in mind, game 3 saw the imposition of the experdite rule. A slightly strange set of rules, for us at least, but they were certainly the key to Sam’s revival in this set. The incentive seemed suddenly there to exploit opportunities that barely seemed to be apparent. He pulled himself back into the set, leaving a deciding fifth set to ebb towards him and away from Terry. In a rather untidy set, Peter allowed Mathew to get an early handle on his game and succumbed, painfully, to a three game defeat. Derek took on Alex with enthusiasm and commitment but simply did not possess the mobility to challenge meaningfully. Peter too the first game of Alex, but the felt the fighting quality of this determined young man to slide sadly to a four game defeat. In an absorbing contest of, fortunately, manageable length, Terry eventually imposed his will upon the determined Alex, over five games. Derek enjoyed his best set of the night against Mathew, taking the third game after narrowly losing the first two: with Derek tiring, Mathew comfortably took the fourth to win the set. Peter turned the exhausted Alex in a lively four-game set, probably the best of the night. After a close first game, Sam pushed his way passed Derek over three games. Terry endured a tight first game against Mathew before pushing him firmly out of the way in the next two games.

So, a frustrating and disappointing evening for us, particularly for Terry. The introduction (some would say inevitable introduction, some would say necessary introduction) of ‘the experdite rule’ in order to sway Terry’s un-ending marathon approach to curbing the determined resistance of others, did seem to hold a whiff of Bernie Ecclestone’s fantasy Formula 1 idea, with his suggestion of random, God-like rain! Who the God of table-tennis is we’re not entirely sure! Somehow, this strange intrusion on a table-tennis match did seem to have a misty hint of that hideously lethal political expedient, ‘extraordinary rendition’, about it: in fact, for Popps ‘A’, it will, from now on, probably be referred to as ‘extraordinary experdition’! 

Well done, team, all of you, for doing your best: thanks too to Tradesmen 2 for providing us with some great table-tennis – we wish you well!

A v X: 11-7/11-8/9-11/7-11/2-11 (A)
B v Y: 7-11/5-11/7-11 (A)
C v Z: 6-11/4-11/7-11 (A)
B v X: 11-4/7-11/7-11/7-11 (A)
A v Z 11-4/7-11/11-5/8-11/11-8 (H)
C v Y: 9=11/10-12/11-9/4-11 (A)
B v Z: 7-11/11-5/11-5/11-8 (H)
C v X: 9-11/5-11/5-11 (A)
A v Y: 12-14/11-4/11-3 (H)

NJs (home): A Ross Barnes  B:Jim Dawber  C Josh Gee    
POPPS A (away): X Terry Allington Y Peter McMullen  Z Derek Greenwood

A ‘night out with the lads’ – how often do mature (?), older men use this reference? Usually, it has to be said, to describe a memorable (in some ways) but not necessarily remembered evening on the town, city, village, whatever! In this case, our  ‘night out with the lads’ was to be an evening of intense competition with Northowram Juniors, two of whom were almost young enough to be our great-grandchildren! However, as per usual, a mix and match team was presented with a seriously talented older player in the mix. As always, we were determined to give our best, particularly with regard to our current position in the League & with one more match to play. After an, almost, expected spat from a member of the home team with regard to our ‘attitude’, we pushed on into a game of table-tennis with our usual equanimity.

Terry pushed hard into his 1^st game but had to be wary with the very good Ross planting some excellent & accurate forehands onto the edge of the table. Having won the 1st game, Terry settled into his usual rhythm & proceeded to rattle off two more comfortable games. Despite winning the 1^st game comfortably, Peter eventually succumbed to the continuous pressure of Jim, a very accurate & hard-hitting player, over four games. Derek followed with an expected victory over the inexperienced Josh in three games. Despite his undoubted skills, Jim really had few answers to Terry’s consistency & dead-ball defence, despite investing substantial power into his shots – unfortunately Terry managed to get many of them back across the table. In a contest as close as their last meeting, Ross ground out a three game win over Derek, despite being held most of the way. Peter managed to subdue Josh into swift submission as he re-found his confidence & accuracy. Again Derek came off worst against Jim, although it was a better effort than on their previous meeting. Terry swiftly dispatched Josh to ensure our victory in the match with Peter comfortably outreaching & outplaying the, by now, careless & frustrated Ross.

An evening that was good for the table-tennis but with a slightly sour note left from comments &, what appeared to be, a deliberate withdrawal of hospitality: a shame really, but thank you, at least, Northowram, for the table-tennis.

Well done Peter & Terry & just let’s hope Derek pulls his socks (& his game) up for our final match on Thursday against our deadly rivals, Tradesmen.

A v X:7-11/5-11/7-11.
B v Y: 7-11/11-4/11-9/11-4.
C v Z: 9-11/6-11/4-11.
B v X: 6-11/5-11/7-11.
A v Z: 11-9/17-15/11-9.
C v Y:5-11/1-11/4-11.
B v Z: 11-9/11-5/9-11/11-8.
C v X: 3-11/2-11/2-11.
A v Y: 8-11/12-14/3-11.

In the most recent fixture against OTR, Popps won 6-3, but there could be no complacency about our prospects tonight, given the considerable improvement of all those who play in this remote hilly kingdom. It will be easy to make the usual jokes about strange goings-on in this wild outpost in the Pennines, but as they say on Match of the Day, at the end of the day, it’s about a result and Popps knew they would have to fight to at least maintain standards.

Popps Team: Terry Wassall, Joan Bottomley & Robin Thomas
Old Town Robins: Colin Anker, Jo Sweeney & James Picard

This is our last fixture of this season. We have had few wins and it might be worth while getting some excuses out in the open before we start. Terry Wassall has been buried in work as he strives to establish his academic legacy before he retires. Therefore he has not practiced much and has spent too much time plonked in front of a PC to re-establish his youthful speed of movement which helped him become bus depot legend many years ago. Joan has been a beacon of improvement and perhaps needs a few more games to bring her to a point where she can reel off more victories. Tom, an experienced and quietly effective player, has struggled with injury, while Robin has no excuse really, he has just got worse.
Match 1: Terry V Colin.  Colin defended well and attacked when possible as Terry tried to get back into his game, taking the first game 11-9, but Terry fought back as Colin hit the net a few times, to take the 2^nd game 11-9. Colin had a spectacular specs saver moment in G3 as he missed it completely, but he produced some excellent smashes to take it 11-8 as Terry had his spec saver moment.  Colin cruised ahead in G4, but Terry levelled at 5-5.  The match proceeded gingerly as both tried not to lose, and Colin held it together better to win 11-8. Terry, the Lawrent Gbagbo of TT, underperformed in this match which he should have won and his body language was that of a defeated dictator.

Joan then met the ubiquitous Jo in another match of the maidens. Joan sustained some long rallies with some powerful forehands to take G1 11-9. In G2, there was a pattern of fast and long rallies. Jo won a fluke and Joan made a mess of a smash as Jo won 11-7.  Jo swept to 11-2 in G3 and all looked lost, but Joan fought back to win 11-7 in G4. Terry was trying to score with the machine and his hand started to shake in the excitement as we awaited the final game. Jo messed up her first serve (a pattern repeated by her colleagues during the match), but recovered to edge ahead as Joan missed a smash. She won 11-5 to take the game after an exciting and hard-fought encounter.  Old Town Robins were now 2 ahead, a situation which continued as Robin took on James, a talented young man with a fancy spin serve.  Robin could not cope with this standard of play and rapidly gave up the ghost, to lose 11-5, 11-4 and 11-2.

The fight back had to start somewhere as Terry met Jo. Terry put together some good attacks and counter-attacks to take G1 11-5.  G2 was closely fought as both developed long rallies. Even at 10-10 there was no obvious winner, but Jo held it together better to win 12-10.  I noticed at this time that Jo has a strange habit of showing the ball to the opponent (rather like a tennis player displaying his new balls)   but then hiding the ball under the table so that it emerges like the result of a bad Paul Daniels conjuring trick. Terry edged G3 at 13-11 and hung on to win G4 11-5   after some effective back hand flix. He kept it steady and resisted a Jo fight back.

Robin then surprised himself and most of the population of Old Town watching on CCTV by beating the sprightly Colin in 5 games.  The score was 9-11, 15-17, 11-8, 11-6 & 10-12. After establishing a lead of 2 games by using a mix of spin, placement and patience, Robin allowed Colin back into the match, but hung on to win G5.  This proved to be an exciting match and the cries of disappointment as Colin crashed out could be heard all over the valley.

The all conquering James then met Joan in Match 6.  She took time to deal with his serve and hit some wild shots to lose 11-5.  The score was the same in G2 as Joan lost some consistency. James went for his shots in G3 and once missed he table, admonishing himself with “Off the table, pleeease”.But it did not affect the result as he cruised to 11-6, to take the match.

Robin again surprised the TT world by defeating Jo in Match 7, the score being 11-7, 7-11, 11-6, 4-11 and 8-ll.  Again he used some spin and tried to slow down Jo’s fast game and reversed previous defeats to this player.

Sanity returned as the youthful James reeled off a win in 3 games.  Terry was able to deal with the serve, but also had some wild hits to the roof of the building as James eased to 11-6.  (At this point Colin disappeared for a while. The thought occurred to me that he might have walked out into the night to be ‘away for some time’. However, he had just gone to the kitchen to do the washing up, but took his time to change into his pinny and suspenders.) James won G2 11-8 after some more Terry roof hits.  Terry provided more substantial opposition in G3, muttering to himself “Timing is everything”.  James was talking to himself and Terry was groaning in exhaustion. James was ahead at 8-5, but Terry fought back to 10-10, but a couple of misses helped James to go to 12-10.

By this stage of the match, the scoring machine startled to give up the ghost, possibly affected by damp or by mice droppings. It was mentioned that wood lice had appeared in to loos and Terry ventured the useful suggestion that they were good to eat, tasting like prawns when cooked. They also had many legs which would be ideal for large families. Thought you might find that interesting. Now back to the TT. In the last game of the night, with the match already lost, Joan took on Colin. Joan took G1 11-9 after a dogged performance by both. They fought long fast rallies with both displaying great agility in retrieving shots. Both have effective forehand smashes when they work and both hate being defeated. Joan emerged 12-10 after recovering from a couple of Colin flukes as Colin hit the net a couple of times.  G3   saw Colin emerging 15-13 after a dour struggle, so he was back in the game.  Colin may have been tiring in G4 as Joan edged ahead after a closely fought struggle. She won 11-7 to take the set.

So on reflection, if Terry had beaten Colin, which form suggested he should have done, we would have won the match 5-4, but in the event OTR won 5-4 after a well-fought match. We were given a cup of tea and cakes by our generous hosts, so we had a crumb of comfort from the encounter. We said our farewells to these simple hill folk and sped back to civilisation to round off another fairly undistinguished but enjoyable season. We  do not know our final position, but we hope it will not be the bottom rung.

Ramsbridge: A: Donald Stott  B: Steve Hanson  C: John Schofield                   
POPPS ‘A’: X: Terry Allington Y: Peter McMullen Z: Derek Greenwood

A match to celebrate  – for ALL of us, as Donald Stott announces his retirement at the end of this match from competitive table-tennis. For all of us, age brings with it a set of uncompromising circumstances in relation to our bodies willingness to face each match of each day. When we spend more time looking over our shoulders to see why our body, (or, at least, certain parts of it), is not keeping up, than facing the music (or the table-tennis) in front of us approaching at a joining speed of around 200 mph (yes really), then perhaps the time has come to consider other preoccupations, stimulants or ways of having fun! So, Donald, we wish you lots of fun, whatever you do and thank you  profoundly for your company, your respect &, not least, for sharing your skills with us!

Lurking as we currently do, in a rather insecure second place in the league, this was yet another ‘must win’ match. With one of our top players, Chie, unavailable through travels to Japan, the team was not at its strongest. With Derek & John on loan to a depleted ‘B’ team, things were looking tough for McMullen & Allington, expected as they were to win 3 sets each without fail.  

An easy win for Terry in the first set against Donald followed by a stylish & pugnacious victory by Peter over a very capable Steve, provided Popps with a great start. Derek fluffed his lines (again) in his set against John, who played with great presence, tenacity & care, outwitting Derek through pushing his heavily top-spinned forehands relentlessly back over the net. A ‘business as usual’ performance by Terry against Steve in three games, re-established our focus which was quickly followed by an easy victory over the struggling Donald. Peter, having taken an easy 1^st game against John, fluffed his lines & succumbed to the talented John’s consistency, helped, of course by some unhelpful refereeing from Peter’s team-mate Derek. Derek proceeded to compound the problem he had thus created for his team by slipping easily to a three game defeat against Steve. However, easy wins by the two star members of the team, Terry over John & Peter over Donald, fortunately left us with a 6-3 win: well done team & thanks to Ramsbridge for enjoyable & spirited company

POPPS ‘B’:  A: Derek Greenwood B: Tom Sunderland C: John Taylor
Northowram G:  X: Josh Gee Y: Rob Gee Z: Jim Dawker

Yet another match against the myriad members of the various Northowram teams – the pre-match excitement always surrounds the matter of actually who might be playing for them? Their propensity for asking their third team member to arrive late, only adds to the excitement. We could only approach the game with reasonable confidence, in the end, misplaced, but at least it was a spacious & un-contentious evening of table-tennis, as it always should be.

Derek, again on loan from the ‘A’ team, began the match, keen to make some inroads into the evening as he was also committed to playing in the ‘A’ team match running parallel. His set against young Josh was a simple formality, as the youngster offered little resistance or consistency. Tom, however, still playing with a variety of infirmities, found Rob in confident form & succumbed with a moderate whimper. John put up a strong fight against Jim, an extremely good all-round hitter of the ball, whose game was somewhat undermined by John’s subtle & curious spin: in the end, Jim just found a little extra to win. Tom cruised past Josh, apart from a slightly tense & uncharacteristic 3rd game for Tom. By this time, Derek was feeling the fatigue & succumbed far too easily to Jim after a close 1st game, Jim lifting his game on all levels. In a well-balanced match with John, Rob, despite a slight dip in concentration, kept his nerve to run past John in each of three games. Tom fought hard in his 3rd game with Jim, but having easily given in to him in the first two games, surrendered in the end. A steady win by John over Josh added to our credit, but by this time we had simply been outclassed by an on-form Northowram team. Derek, perhaps surprisingly, was easily taken out by Rob, showing little focus, accuracy or consistency: and so the match was lost, 3-6.

Tom played under substantial physical difficulty & John is attempting to re-find his form & consistency. Derek, however, had little excuse could & should have raised his game. Well done Northowram & thank you for a good evening’s table tennis.

Results- AvX: 11-4/11-2/11-1.
BvY: 4-11/2-11/7-11.
CvZ: 19-17/9-11/7-11/10-12/?.
BvX: 11-7/12-10/11-4.
AvZ: 10-12/5-11/4-11.
CvY: 9-11/9-11/6-11.
BvZ: 6-11/4-11/13-15.
CvX: 11-6/11-4/11-7.
AvY: 8-11/6-11/8-11.

NJ’s (home)A: Ross Barnes, B: Charlie Cliffe, C: Josh Gee     
POPPs B (away) X: Derek Greenwood, Y: Joan Bottomley, Z: Tom Sunderland

After the Popps ‘A’ team’s recent chaotic visit to Northowram, we were relieved to find only two tables occupying the playing area as opposed to the previous three. The ‘B’ team was reduced further by the diary secretary of Terry Wassall, leaving this stressed-out academic slavering behind a large glass of Merlot on his very own sofa instead of battling it out with the Northowram ‘youth club’ – more muffin than boffin you could say! Tom, doing his round as the ‘B’ team gauleiter, happen-stanced his limping way into the Northowram arena without bat or pumps, protesting his inability & unfitness to play. But Joan was there, and bleeding heavily from the nose as Tom resisted her overtures, she squeezed out her not inconsiderable charm into bucket after bucket, her final coup de grace being the offer to Tom to play with her equipment – sometimes known as a paddle! Because of Tom’s late & unexpected arrival, together with the ‘rivers of blood’, Derek, on generous loan from the ‘A’ team, had already played his three sets by the time the other two were pronounced ‘fit to play’. His first set against Ross tested his uncompetitive recent past & lack of any kind of practice, well past the limit, although Derek did manage to squeeze into a final fifth game before he shuffled off his mortal coil. Charlie proved a slightly easier nut to crack as Derek changed up a gear & took on a Stig-like pose at the end of the table. Derek’s victory in three games was close but ultimately assured, not least due to the respect shown to him, in every way, by Charlie – well played, young man! Against Josh, Derek simply wafted Josh away as if he were merely an irritating insect come in from the cold. Charlie & Joan enjoyed a somewhat cliff-hanging five game set with Charlie finding the focus to close the match. Good performance overall from Joan though. Ross took on Tom in a curiously one-sided set in which Tom found little to be happy about. The set of the night was certainly Josh against Joan. Having seriously squandered his games & sets against Derek, Josh got his act together against Joan, finding a focus & accuracy missing from his game so far. Joan responded, but tiring at crucial points & allowing her confidence to evaporate occasionally, she succumbed to Josh over 5 games. Josh had less luck against Tom, with Tom catching his form using Derek’s bat, enabling him to speedily waft Josh away. Ross’s well organised all-round game was too much for Joan & he completed a relatively easy 3 game victory. In a tight set, Tom eventually succumbed in three close games to Charlie’s superior mobility & continued impressive shot range.

A dis-jointed but accomplished evening of table-tennis with Northowram Juniors winning 6-3, leaving much for Popps ‘B’ to think about, like when is Joan going to get a new & faster bat, when will Tom tell his doctor that his medication is rubbish & does not win him table-tennis matches,   when will Terry W. send his diary secretary for re-education to the gulag & when will loanee Derek earn his fee & win three games out of three? Well done, Juniors, a deserved win for you!

1: AvX 6-11/8-11/13-11/11-5/9-11. (A)
2: BvY 11-8/9-11/2-11/11-5/13-11. (H)
3: CvZ 7-11/8-11/7-11. (A)
4: BvX 5-11/10-12/10-12. (A)
5: AvZ 11-1/11-3/11-7. (H)
6: CvY 9-11/6-11/11-7/11-8/13-11. (H)
7: BvZ 12-10/13-11/12-10. (H)
8: CvX 11-0/11-3/11-6. (H)
9: AvY 11-8/11-4/11-7.(H)

Sowerby 2 (home) A: Andrew Whiteley, B: John Korner, C: Phillip Parry   
POPPS A (away) X: Peter McMullen, Y: Terry Allington, Z: JohnTaylor

Our annual trip out to the far hills of Sowerby provided us with a considerable degree of apprehension, based on the strength & quality of the Sowerby team & the timescale of the previous reverse fixture, when, at the Table Tennis Centre, even the scorer & the duty manager had effectively nodded off by the time we completed our match at 10.45 pm! This time, complete with regulation striped pyjamas, a jar of Ovaltine & a packet of plain digestives, we attempted to boost our confidence on the presumption that at least we were ready & willing. Green walls, green grass, green table but no little green men awaited us. Inside the neat & plushly draloned clubhouse, intimidation returned as the obsessive attention to surface detail gave us the impression that either sport, bowls or table-tennis, could be comfortably played on either or both of these finely honed, flat, green expanses – for the sake of tradition & historical precedent, we plumped for the table! – not necessarily our best decision of the night, as it turned out.

A comfortable punt by Peter in the first set against Andrew, briskly put the match on its way, Peter dominating in games one & two, with Andrew pushing hard in the third but to no avail: set over in less than fifteen minutes! The second set began amidst reasonable trepidation from both sides as this was the pairing that, on our previous meeting, had turned day into night, so to speak. We had need to be afraid, very afraid, as Terry & John K. began their endless journey into night: this time John was the victor, as Terry, appearing a little out of sorts, missed crucial points. Our only argument, ALL of us, was with the fact that this set took ONE HOUR & TWENTY MINUTES!!! Even Terry appeared exhausted after this marathon. Throughout, the question of the score was not of much interest, more the question of whether we were all still on the same planet. Derek, as scorer, was already suffering from waking nightmares of torture low-points from an imaginary past (or was it?). As John Korner’s remarkably passive & still resistance to Terry’s bouncy country dance provoked a space between the points, the scorer’s blood-pressure sank to below knee-level, finally exiting through the soles of his shoes!  During this second set, Peter absent-mindedly popped on his slippers, John Taylor curled himself up in hibernation amongst the cushions, which then resulted in his disappointing & swift demolition by Phillip. Exhausted from his encounter with the Wibsey Wizard, John Korner faded badly against a decisive Peter, offering little resistance. John, with his heavy bovine snorting, was stretched mercilessly by Andrew into an interesting, though not exciting five-game set, with Andrew slowly peeling away John’s resistance. A committed & thumping set from Phillip against Terry, saw Phillip patiently & opportunistically carve a slicing path to victory. A steady recovering set by John Korner against John Taylor, was closely but decisively fought, leaving John K. a relatively comfortable winner over four games. A rip-roaring set between Phillip & Peter, the best of the night, allowed Phillip to further enhance his reputation with a cool-headed & deserved victory. Too late & too exhausted, Terry cruised easily to the finish line against Andrew with a typical metronomic victory.

So, our first defeat of the season, against a very good team effort from Sowerby 2: frankly, we got what we, perhaps, half expected & certainly fully deserved. No going down in a blaze of glory, no brave lads fighting to the death, just a competitive table tennis match won by the best team on the night in a green fortress of sporting resistance. Thank you Sowerby 2 & well done!

1: AvX 5-11/3-11/10-12. (A)
2:BvY 11-9/4-11/12-10. (H)
3: CvZ 11-9/11-4/11-7/11-9.  (H)
4: BvX 5-11/9-11/6-11 (not sure of last score as scorer lost the will to live!) (A)
5: AvZ 12-14/4-11/11-8/11-7/11-7. (H)
6: CvY 11-7/7-11/11-5/9-11/11-7.  (H)
7: BvZ 7-11/11-8/11-9/11-8. (H)
8: CvX 7-11/11-7/7-11/11-1/11-5.  (H)
9: AvY 7-11/1-11/3-11. (A)

Popps (0) destroyed by teenage sensations, Tradesmen (9)

Tradesmen are currently lying 2nd in the league and are the major threat to our ‘A’ team for promotion. Last December, they defeated Popps ‘B’ 9-0, with a young, laid-back team, who, according to Sports Journalist Terry Wassall, barely had to break into a sweat to demolish the perspiring ‘B’ team senior strugglers. This time, our team will be weaker and will include Robin, so, is there any point in turning up? Would our £12 be better spent on a round of drinks in the Old Shears, because Popp’s would need a raft of Tomahawk missiles to have any impact on this lot? Incidentally, you may have heard that the Irish air force have bombed Tuebrook (by the way, that’s actually a district of Liverpool). It was later announced that they had bombed Liberia.

As for the young Tradesmen team, how would we handle this encounter with members of this generation. Will they be wearing hoods? Will they use texting whilst playing TT? Will they talk in a strange type of rap-talk? Anyway, to return to the more politically correct topic of TT reporting, the match went as follows, and there will be no intention of giving you a blow by blow account of what will probably be a whitewash.

Tradesmen (well almost Tradesboys) were represented by Sam Drake (looked about 12), Alex Shaw (perhaps 13) and Kristian Fearnley (the old man of the group, maybe 16). If I’ve upset them by guessing these ages, I apologise. Perhaps they all follow a healthy life style. In fact, they are all keen youth TT players, taking part in local tournaments and aspiring to be good players, not something you could say about Popps ‘B’.

Match 1 saw Robin against Sam, which swiftly moved to 11-7, 11-4 & 11-5, when your correspondent could not find any way of dealing with a cunning serve and an all round superior game. By this time Terry Wassall, Professor of Tweeting at Leeds University, had arrived, even knackered after walking from the car park, to take on Alex, the smallest of the boys in Match 2. Alex frightened Terry (and most of the local neighbourhood), by a loud foot stamp as he executed his cunning serve, in the way that you would imagine an angry flamenco player approaching TT. He went into an early lead while Terry tried to organise himself. He stayed ahead to win 11-5. Alex was getting some good forehand smashes in, and while Terry’s backhand started to work, he couldn’t change the pattern and Alex won the second game by the same margin. Alex actually missed a shot in the 3rd game, and Terry stayed in the game longer with some useful backhand flicks. At 9-7, it seemed as if Terry might pull this one out of the bag, but Alex prevailed to win 11-8.

Joan then appeared, resplendent in a new hair-cut which she had commissioned especially for this sporting encounter. It gave her a modern, streamline look, but probably didn’t affect the result. She was up against Kristian, who raced into a swift lead, using a backspin chop which Joan promptly bundled into the net. At 9-2, it was looking very one-sided, but Joan executed a couple of effective forehands to make it 11-4. Kristian continued with his fancy serve which flummoxed Joan, allowing Kristian to race to 11-3. Kristian may have relaxed in G3 and messing up a couple of serves and flashing at some unsuitable balls, so 11-9 looked a bit more respectable to Joan.

Terry then met Sam in Match 4. It was pretty even, with Sam’s looping forehand doing some damage and Terry playing a steadier game. At 10-10, it could have gone either way, but there was a certain inevitability about Terry’s failed smashes which allowed Sam to move to 12-10. Terry tried to keep up in G2. A fluke helped him to get to 6-6. But Sam also had a fluke and despite missing a serve, moved to 11-7. Terry’s mix of the good, bad and the ugly continued in G3 and Sam stayed ahead to win 11-8.

Your correspondent then returned to the table in Match 5 against Kristian. Mercifully, he was not able to take notes and the bald facts of a routine 11-4, 11-4 and 11-7 victory by Kristian do not have to be added to. There were some good rallies, but Robin was out of his depth against this effective teenager.

The next match between Joan and the diminutive Alex had all sorts of images about it, even Madonna and child perhaps, but there was nothing cosy about the result as the hyperactive Alex pounced to an 11-8, 11-3 and 11-7 win. Joan is doing all the right things, using steady returns, seeking attacking opportunities and fighting for every point, but Alex’s game had too much going for it. There was something rather brutal about a young boy, barely into long trousers, thrashing this mature, freshly coiffured woman in this way, but that’s table tennis.

Terry/Kristian. Wasn’t that the name of a foul-mouthed presenter on The Word, a genre-bending, barrier-breaking yoof TV show? But I digress. Terry was much more into this game and while he over-hit Kristian’s topspin, he stayed respectable losing 11-7. However, in G2, his smash started to work, like an inexperienced cook tackling instant mashed potato, and with the help of an outrageous fluke, eased to 11-8, our only game of the night. At this point, a massive display of fireworks appeared over Greengates in Bradford, celebrating Terry’s win. Or had the Irish air force wrongly targeted Bradford as part of the attack on Libya.

But for Kristian, this game was merely a blip as he cruised to 11-4 and 11-7 to take the set. Terry tried to play a steady game, but could not resist unpromising smash opportunities. That’s the way he is. Lives on the edge of danger, never accepts the safe route, his body a coiled mass of energy ready to explode at any moment.

With the result never in doubt, Joan returned to the spotlight, which picked out the glinting highlights of her elegantly-styled hair, as she took on Sam, who raced away to a big lead with some spectacular looped smashes. 11-2. She fought more effectively in G2, with some long rallies, some smashes and the odd fluke. Sam looped a few and moved to 11-9.m Joan continued to play well in G3, Sam had the odd wild slash, but prevailed to take it at 11-8.Robin then returned for the final encounter with Alex, who needed to get home in time for Muffin the Mule and a warm cup of drinking chocolate. He scampered round the table like a monkey on speed, winning 11-1. 11-1 and 11-2 as your correspondent gave up the ghost.

Out team enjoyed the friendly atmosphere created during this thrashing and would like to congratulate the boys on their good sportsmanship. We wish them well as individuals, but not in the league as they are the only potential threat to our ‘A’ team in gaining promotion.

Popps register rare win against the Hoods, 5-4.

Our first match against Old Town Hoods, back in September, the first of our season, resulted in a comfortable victory for Popps ‘B’, but it was not a sign of things to come. We had the experienced Derek, now a professional coach, playing for us, we had a fitter Tom and your correspondent played well above expectations for us to register a 7-2 victory. Tonight, we would lack the mercurial but often effective Terry Wassall and our team is Tom, Joan & Robin.

We understand that Old Town Hoods have had to be flown back from a table tennis boot camp in Libya and may be jet-lagged. They were arrested by rebels on a farm and after high level diplomatic protests were able to sail from Libya in a converted Mersey ferry boat to Malta dressed in their Oxfam tracksuits, from which they have flown via Ryan air, where they had to pay to use the toilets. They will also be disadvantaged by the new ban on snoods being worn in league marches, following the accidental strangling of a player from Illingworth last week who was being embraced by his team-mates after registering his first win in 10 years. However, given Popps’s poor form in recent months, we will take nothing for granted. Tom is being held together with sticking plaster and Robin is continuing a prolonged loss of confidence which may be terminal. Only the highly motivated Joan is on an improvement curve, with her athleticism, grace, designer track suit and air-filled Jimmy Choo trainers rendering her capable of reaching the ultimate heights. The Old Town Hoods were represented tonight by: Dave Warburton, and the new version of the Beckhams of TT, Paul and Steph Penny.

Set 1 saw Tom taking on Steph. This went to 4 games, with Tom winning the first 12-10, with the rapidly improving Steph turning out to be quite determined and difficult to play against. With Tom’s experience, he should have dominated, but he was struggling a bit physically. Tom won the 2nd game 11-8, with some useful smashes, but Steph fought back in G3 to win 11-8, with some equally effective smashes, while Tom was becoming a little careless. Tom eventually clinched it in G4, winning 11-9, only really forging ahead towards the end of the game.

Set 2 had Robin against another rapidly improving member of the Penny family, Paul, who won an intriguing 5 game set, which flowed each way as they changed sides. Paul’s spin serve has improved and Robin had some problems with it. Paul was also delivering more smashes.

Set 3 saw Joan stepping up to take on Dave, a steady, careful player not prone to taking risks. He won G1 11-9 after some long rallies. He was helped by an outrageous fluke. However, in G2, Joan developed her fluent game, especially her flowing forehand and dogged back-hand push and she won 11-6. However, it was not sustainable and Dave reeled off the next 2, 11-6 and 11-5, to win the set.

Robin then produced a rare victory in Set 4 against Steph, even though it took 5 games, with the 4th game going to a crucial 17-15 in Robin’s favour, who managed to upgrade his motivation to win the final game, knowing that the final result might hinge on this match.

Set 5 had Tom against the increasingly steady Dave. Tom was over-hitting and Dave had the odd fluke and he moved to win the first game 11-7. Tom was starting to have minor eyesight problems, possibly caused by medication and he had a couple of Specs Saver moments as Dave picked up the 2nd game, 11-9. Tom had to fight hard to restore some respect in G3 as Dave missed the table on a couple of occasions and Tom won 11-9. But Dave’s all round consistency helped him to tie up the set with an 11-8 win.

Joan showed her improvement by registering a useful win against Paul in Set 6. She had a magnificent start, rocketing to 9-0, until Paul started to get a grip. She kept it steady and allowed the occasionally erratic Paul to make mistakes. She eventually won 11-4. Paul continued his fight back to win G2 13-11, despite a couple of strange services. Joan had to pull her game together, which she did by clinching the next 2 games 11-6 and 11-4, as Paul started to go to pieces, finishing with a disastrous serve. These serves have become a feature of his game and cause excitement and amusement to spectators.

Set 7 involving Robin & Dave can be described briefly: Dave won 11-4, 13-11 and 11-5. Dave played his usual steady game, while Robin attempted to hit anything that moved. At this point, Hood were leading in the match by 4-3, but Popps had two chances to overhaul that lead.

Set 8 saw the two females on the table, the match of the maidens, the struggle of the sisters, even the battle of the battle axes, and Steph showed what a difficult player she is to compete with. She went into an early lead in G1, as Joan took time to adjust and as Steph executed some useful smashes. 11-5 to Steph. In G2, Joan settled down, despite a loud crash as a couple of other players fell against a barrier. But it didn’t put her off as she edged to 12-10. Joan won the next 2 games 11-5 and 11-9, with some long, dogged rallies and some useful smashes from both players.

With the match at 4-4 and the officers wanting to lock up the centre, Tom took on Paul in the final set, set 9. It was touch and go, as Tom had to keep taking his medicine to keep pain at bay. Paul won the first game 12-10, with some excellent shots. Would Tom keep his form to fight back? Yes he did! He sailed ahead in G2, getting more shots on the table, to win 11-2. Paul started well in G3, but Tom caught up, with some useful back hand flicks as Paul once again surrended points by suicidal services. Tom won 11-6 and now only (only!) had to win G4 to clinch the games, set and match. Tom need to get ahead to take the pressure off him, but Paul hung on with determination. It reached 10-10 at which it is customary to say that it could have gone either way, with the whole fixture hanging on every shot. Finally, Tom was able to inch to 14-12, to finalise the night and the win.

As usual the match was played with good sportsmanship and generally appropriate humour. The Hoods strapped on the hoodies, climbed onto their Vespas and raced off to the wild hills above Hebden Bridge, protected against the driving rain by their military mod-style anoraks, with their hoods underneath their regulation crash helmets. On their way, they would indulge in some rough street fighting with the Mods of Mytholmroyd and then scoot off before the sleepy local PC had worked out what was going on.